


Stubefied

by thequidditchpitch_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Comedy, Drabble, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-06-11
Updated: 2007-06-11
Packaged: 2018-10-27 16:12:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10812444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequidditchpitch_archivist/pseuds/thequidditchpitch_archivist
Summary: Neville, finally ready to look for love, gets some unexpected information from a good friend.





	Stubefied

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).

  
Author's notes: Another contribution to the **_Officially Unofficial Don Juan de Neville Fest._**   


* * *

"Luna," said Neville as he sat across a library table from her. “Can I ask you a question?”  
  
“Of course,” said Luna, never taking her eyes off the book she was studying.  
  
“Am I—am I bad looking?” Neville asked.  
  
That got her attention away from her work. She looked at him appraisingly, as if the thought had never occurred to her before. “No, Neville, you’re rather nice to look at. Why do you ask?”  
  
“Because I just asked Hannah Abbott out, and she just gave me a funny look and turned me down.”  
  
Luna smiled and went back to looking at her book. “That’s because she’s already got someone, Neville.”  
  
“Who?” Neville asked. “I only ever see her with Mandy Brocklehurst.”  
  
“Well, that would make sense because they’re shagging,” Luna said, turning a page, the picture of serenity.  
  
“What? How do you know?” Neville asked incredulously.  
  
“Because Mandy chucked _me_ for Hannah,” was her reply.  
  
“Oh…” Neville said. “I’m… _sorry?”_  
  
“I’m not,” Luna said simply. “She wanted to go much further than I did, and anyway, I've discovred that Terry Boot is a much better kisser…”  
  
Neville sat down quickly. “I never…I never imagined…”  
  
“Well,” Luna said. “You were awfully busy shagging all those Quidditch players in the greenhouses, weren’t you? I’m so glad you’ve decided to move past that, but let me tell you, they’re fairly miffed about it.”  
  
“You...you _knew?”_ Neville asked, utterly horrified.  
  
“Of course I knew, Neville. You’re my best friend.”  
  
“But…but, why didn’t you say anything?”  
  
“I figured you’d tell me eventually. So, Neville, does this mean you’re ready to find a real girlfriend, then?”  
  
It was a hope he’d held in his heart for some time now, and it felt almost painful to share it. “Er, yeah. Reckon so.”  
  
“Oh, good, then. Because Padma Patil has been in love with you for ages.”  
  
“She… _what?”_  
  
“Oh, yes, Neville, she cries out your name while she touches herself at night. In the showers, too. I’ve heard her there. Actually, I peeked. She's got a beautiful body.”  
  
“She...you... _what?!”_  
  
“You will be nice to her, Neville, won’t you?”  
  
“Uh—yeah, reckon so.”  
  
“Well, go on out to the greenhouses, then. She can usually be found lurking in the bushes at this time of night, hoping to get a glimpse of your fine arse.”  
  
Neville ran.


End file.
